I interviewed Laney (51) and Krista (44), while I was in Newfoundland as their point of view on marriage and relationship interested me. I hadn't yet talked to women who had decided they did not want to be wives, but did want to be mothers.
Newfoundland has a traditional, strong family culture. As a single woman, to "buck the system" in the 1980's like Laney did, and choose motherhood but not marriage had its' tough times, lack of support, former friends giving her wide berth, and family not understanding her choice. And Laney is a nurturing, caretaking person, and very committed to her responsibilities. I figured that would be the very type who'd be good at marriage. Yet she said, what she'd viewed of marriage as a young child (the youngest girl in a family of 10 kids) growing up was that the women did all the cleaning, food production, chores etc. and looking after everyone with the men in her community expecting it. It felt endless and thankless. Laney saw it as work with no freedom. At 11 she decided she wouldn't marry and said this aloud. Her mother was outraged.
After hearing more of Laney's story and Krista's(soon to be podcast on www.whygetmarried.com) I marvelled at the choice they made. Both these women were pioneers of sorts. As hard as being a single mother can be, they realized they would rather be single mothers, than married mothers. And they chose their primary focus to be with their child, rather than a spouse.
For me the story I am looking at is that of why get married. These 2 women chose not to, although Krista said she isn't opposed to getting married. It just hasn't happened yet. Laney has a loving man in her life, but thinks for her, separate addresses will always work best.
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