I have wondered about this for years. There are many forty and fifty somethings, men and women, who have never had children. Whether the men and women remained single, or got married, a growing percentage of men and women in the English-speaking world are not parents.
As I was drinking tea yesterday I started listing people I know who are not parents, including myself, my partner Laurence, and even my former husband. I came up with over 20 names in my social circle within a few minutes. In the 1950's I don't think you could come up with more than 2 or 3 names, and then everyone had a hushed reason why that person was "childless". I can think of 2 women of my mother's era who weren't married and no children. It was a social oddity. Both women worked (and did so until they retired) which also made them different in the 1950's. My Godfather, Uncle Bert never married, yet that seemed more acceptable than the "spinster". He was a popular companion and escort for many, seemingly asexual, and he always seemed content to me from my perspective as a child. He might have been gay, and not acting on any desires, I don't know. (yet also, no one asked directly, so I never really knew any of their stories.)
And childless couples in the 1950's, 60's, 70's, and even the 80's? were pitied because we all assumed they wanted children yet couldn't have them. As one golden anniversary couple said in my Why Get Married? documentary, they "were amazed that anyone would bother marrying if they didn't want children. And that having children and grandchildren gave you something to talk about in your old age. "
I don't imagine being hard up for things to discuss in my relationship or friendships, but I do wonder how our world will be different as we age and there are fewer in this next generation. And why are the number choosing to not have children growing amongst certain populations? Ah, a topic to research.
1 comment:
I think having children should be as mindful a process of getting married or any other choices we make in life. For myself, I never felt having my own children was the right thing to do. I like children and have always had children in my life. But I have often been told I am selfish for not having children. Would I not be selfish for having children I did not feel I could commit to taking care of?
The interesting thing about children in western and many other societies is the fact that parents often assume their children will tend to them in their old age. Many seniors today have children to help, but not always. Some children have lives on different continents and/or may not be well themselves.
For us babyboomers who are in middle age now, we will need a different paradigm to support us in our senior years. Will we return to group family living sitations with our siblings, neices, nephews, etc.? Will we create homes where people can come live and help one another?
I think the question of Why Have Kids can be explored from so many good angles. Someone said in the blog that marraige should not be a life sentence, yet I do believe that your children are your children for life!
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