MUSINGS

June 1, 2005 Wednesday

I am becoming more and more intrigued with the same sex couple point of view to Why Get Married? In the United States there is a huge fight over whether two consenting adults have the right to marry, or whether marriage is to be defined as between a man and a woman. In Canada, marriage has been broadened in understanding and gays marry legally if they choose.

In both Canada and the U.S. divorce rates are rising. In some parts of the states it is almost 60%. I can't see how how a rising divorce rate says heterosexual marriages are succeeding. Something is changing.

Our culture is changing for sure, and the structure of marriage, the institution of marriage is slow to catch up. We still are "sold" or have unrealistic ideas and fantasies about marriage, relationship and happiness. I found that confusing.

The reality shows about bachelors, bachelorettes and weddings scare me. What does that tell our 18 year olds about marriage and relationship? That it is a game show? Probably.

Funny, now that women have more choices and freedoms than say in the 1960's, more are choosing to not marry, even if they choose to be in a long-term relationship or have children. Many say they don't want to be a "wife". Does "husband" have the same stigma I wonder?

Regarding choosing a fulfilling life, I guess each of us must "pioneer" what makes sense for ourselves individually, or as part of a couple. If someone wants to marry his/her beloved it should be a choice he/she has whether they exercise it or not .


June 2, 2005 Thursday

What is a successful marriage? Is it one that lasts until death (natural causes of course) do us part? Is it a success if it is mostly happy and when it ends it is amicable? Are we expecting too much from our spouse? Are we realistic in our expectations of marriage?

Maybe marriage is just something some of us choose in our life, some don't, some stay with one partner for 50 years, some have 7 marriages, and marriage means something different to each person in it. There is no universal, understood definition. It would be like saying there is one kind of politician, or lawyer, or pope, or way to run an organization. (Well we could say it, but it wouldn't be accurate.)

For some, marriage seems to be a committed, sacred practice. For others it is something to do in Las Vegas at 2a.m. for a lark. For some marriage is all about having a family. For others marriage represents a way to commit deeply to another person. And some already in love and committed only marry for the pension and other benefits. Not romantic but practical I suppose.

I guess I am just trying to look at what works about marriage versus creating a healthy relationship outside of it. What benefits can 2 partners have emotionally inside a marriage that they wouldn't be able to replicate outside of marriage? And vice versa?

Oh, I do have lots of questions which is why more Why Get Married? documentaries are in the works. I have so much curiousity about relationships and choices we make.